Home » Abuse » I Was Never Dirty Water and I Don’t Have Throw Away Parts!

I Was Never Dirty Water and I Don’t Have Throw Away Parts!

The professor was unusually animated this one particular fall morning.

He was giving his signature spirited lecture where instructed  men from ‘good homes’ avoid dating and most assuredly never—ever —marry someone from a bad home background.

In particular he was honing on the “preacher boys.”  Preacher boys should never date or marry someone who was sexually abused because she will make a terrible pastors wife.  He went on to tell a tales of former promising preacher’s  who had married such stained women.  According the professor the reason these ministries ended in absolute failure was because of the former preacher picking a woman with a bad background.

At one point this professor was no longer merely pacing back and forth at the front of the classroom.  He had climbed atop the wooden desk located the front of the classroom.  As he spoke of these promising preachers boys ministries being destroyed, he jumped up and on his desk to further drive home his point—-women from bad background make preachers  worthless.

I just won’t date one of those “preacher boys” as I don’t want to be responsible for ruining one of those called to serve God in the ministry, I thought.

The professor hopped down off of the desk, removed a white handkerchief, paused just long enough to wipe the sweat from his brow.

Then he started talking to those male students who weren’t even ever considering the ministry.

He warned the other young men had better be just as careful.

He made a point of stating although most of the time it wasn’t the girls fault if she is violated, all young men–no matter what they were considering their future vocation avoid getting into relationships with young ladies who weren’t virgins.  The reason her virginity was lost didn’t matter.  This is the basis of for what some in Christian fundamentalism teach as the “Strange Woman” doctrine.

Looked thoughtful for a few seconds….

Stated, “I’ll be right back.”  He exited the classroom and soon returned with coffee cup with the University logo in his hand.

He walked up and down each aisle as he showed each student, both male and female, the pure clean cool water inside his cup.

The professor stopped a few of times to ask a male student to take a drink of the cold water the professor had just filled the cup from the water fountain outside the classroom door.

The professor made a dramatic statements about how pure the water was as the male student he asked obediently took a sip.

The professor never offered his pure water to any of the female students.  

Suddenly, the professor ran from the classroom once again.

He soon returned.  His cup refilled.

He quickly crossed the classroom.  Over to the window sill.

There on the window sill sat a small potted plant.  In dramatic fashion he placed a small amount of dirt in the cup he’d just refilled.

Next he offered the contents of his mug with the University logo to two male students sitting in the front row.

Both declined.

He told the class is what it is like to have sex with a girl who isn’t a virgin for whatever reason.  “It’s like drinking a cup of dirt-filled water.”  drink dirty water
I can’t begin to count the number of young men whose first question wasn’t “Would you like to go on a date with me?”   Instead their first question was, “Are you a virgin?

For nearly 3 semesters I would could feel my face redden from embarrassment at the question, but I had enough self-respect to not answer such a question.

One day, I thought to myself, “I’ve had enough of this. I’m just going to tell the truth.”

The next semester anytime a potential date asked me if I were a still a virgin.  I’d respond, “Nope.”

Most of those who didn’t immediately move on to “pure” girls, were a little too interested in the details.  I turned down the latter as potential suitors.

Walter Freemont was the professor’s name. He had just shamed me over and over again for 50 minutes.

Walter Fremont

The shame didn’t last just for as long as his 50 minute lecture in the 1980’s, the shame lasted decades.

No, he didn’t call me out by name, but he shamed me.  At this time I was so ashamed I didn’t talk about this lecture to anyone. I lived thinking I was alone in my shame. Over the years since that time, I’ve learned he gave the very similar lectures every semester while he taught at Bob Jones University and shamed 100’s of young women.

He also was the one who made male students think it was appropriate to question if a woman was a virgin before the first date.Freemont’s books can still be purchased.

Bob Wood was the Executive Vice-President of the Bob Jones University for twenty-nine years.  He was known to counsel abuse survivors.  Stuff Fundies Like posted a video of Bob Wood teaching how to counsel the hurting.     bwood

BJU has made no attempt to distance itself from Wood’s remarks in the nearly twenty years since this video was made; as of 2012 the video was still sold here (pdf)

bob wood throw away parts

It matters not if these men’s intentions are/were well intended.   This needs to end. While I am the last to defend Jim Berg.  Berg has just expanded upon what he was taught at the feet of  men such as Walter Freemont and Bob Wood.

Jim Berg is the last man Bob Jones University should have teaching counseling to its seminary students.

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21 thoughts on “I Was Never Dirty Water and I Don’t Have Throw Away Parts!

  1. I had Dr. Fremont for both Child and General Psychology. I never had the misfortune to hear him teach this ‘lesson’. While it doesn’t seem to ‘fit’ the man I knew, I can’t say it would be impossible for him to take such a radical position. Choose the mate from the best family possible and KNOW, going in, that the others will bring some sordid baggage with them. But, we ALL have baggage.

  2. I remember those words. Fremont was teaching that garbage up until his last semester. I don’t care how much he was revered at BJU. His teaching was consistently anti-woman and anti-survivor. Basically, if you were from any background less than what he considered perfect, you deserved to be alone forever. He didn’t just scorn the sex abuse survivors. I can only hope that he has had to face some of his victims on the other side of eternity and either apologize or at least admit to himself that he blew it with such graceless theology. (I highly doubt a Fundamentalist could apologize.)

  3. Wow, this is interesting. During my sophomore year at BJU (1981-1982), I lived in Mary Gaston dorm . At the other end of the opposite hall, there was a young lady who was dating a/the son of Dr. Fremont. Then one day,this young women was gone, shipped as they say. It appears that this young lady was married, living in the dorm, and dating a Fremont. Go figure.

  4. I would also like to say that these 3 individiuals opinions do not allow for the healing power of God, for the opportunity for those around an abused individuals to walk along side and be the face of God here on earth – to show love and support and unconditional acceptance. God does not make mistakes, and we are all of worth to Him. I am sickened by what these men teach.

  5. Actually, this doesn’t surprise me at all. I can’t tell you how many times I have read articles, or threads on faith boards from boys/men whining about how their wives were not virgins when they married. How they are wonderful people/wives, but just can’t get over they were not their first. It just amazes people how they fawn over the true riches that is her, but that one area? They just plain can’t get over it.

    People are so taken back by their attitude and viewpoint. It could be years ago, and they still marinate in that aspect. They are asked to keep reminding themselves of all that good stuff about her that they type out about her, and how they will poison their own well by dwelling on this SO MUCH! Men tell stories of their wonderful wifes, and how something tragic happened to them – and how much they love them…and it just doesn’t penetrate in their hearts.

    People were truly baffled that they were tearing their marriage apart over this. It’s honestly unforgivable – their viewpoint. Even if she had circumstances different than here? They were taught to take it personally, and how it was a permanent wound against them. It wasn’t about God, The Wife, but all about them. Sadly, they didn’t even see it either.

    I can see this being drilled into them by their responses, and actions that people are so taken back by online. They are totally incapable of seeing the ruby that is their’s, and I guess just see their dirty glass of water. They don’t understand that the bible does not ask us to view others in this way. For we are ALL dirty glasses of water. It takes Jesus who see us differently, and shows us how to love despite everything.

    This teaching has harmed so many men, and families. Its tragic.

  6. This reminds me of Paul Maxwell who was president of PBI and taught a class on Marriage and Family. He told his classes that if there was a woman who had been sexually abused by her father she should NEVER tell her husband about it “because it would make it hard for HIM to love her family”. Sickening!

    This hyper-emphasis on virginity is just another example of how fundies view women as less than men and therefore needing to be under their control. You will notice they have a double standard – it is acceptable for “boys to be boys” and “sow their wild oats” but God forbid it should happen to a woman.

  7. I am so thankful for how this article has reminded me of the loveliness of God’s grace in our lives. I used to wonder where and from whom so many spiritually toxic lies came into my thinking. When you are in such an environment and you know you don’t dare question those in authority, you just assume they know something about the Bible that you don’t and therefore you had better just accept it without question. To do anything less is disloyal and makes a person a “trouble-maker”–and oh, how quick they are to attach that label to people for the most petty things.

    Now, after living in and swimming in that sewer of spiritual toxicity for so much of my life, I am glad to no longer be a part of it. Unfortunately, you have to get out in order to actually see the toxicity for what it really is. Even after that, you face years of trying to continually purge that toxicity out of your heart and thinking . . . it is so hard–it ruins everything and robs one of even the joy of worshiping God. I still fight the feelings that I am a liberal, apostate, traitor to Christ—that because I am no longer IFB, I must not really be saved.

    Couple all these thoughts and feelings with the physical and sexual abuse many have endured, I am both amazed by and admire your courage. I say this to Cathy and all the other survivors. Thank you

  8. Walter Freemont has passed away.

    Dr. Wood is no longer the Vice-President of Bob Jones University.

    You’ve left bitterness consume your life.

    • Oh Cindi! You’re back!

      I left out the part where Walter Freemont asked while counseling me if I’d ever taken part in the sin of masturbation because it took place years before this lecture. My pastor foster parents had taken me to him as a young 13 year old girl to see him. I was left alone in his office because they trusted this man.

      • If Cindi even remotely thinks asking someone so young about masturbation is okay, there’s another nail in the Fundy coffin.

    • Cindi – you really need a new schtick! You’re bitter because you see True Grace and can’t touch it without losing face with your family and the sheeple at your church. You’d so like to leave the dark and come to the Light that it hurts you to the core. Your Pharisee coat is so heavy, but you are gutless and afraid to take it off for fear of what actually thinking for yourself and hearing God rather than some whack-job man-o-gawd might lead to. I’ll tell you what it leads to, it leads to compassion and freedom. Cathy tells her story so others can mourn the loss of their own innocence at the hands of monsters – you know, the ones you’d protect at all costs.

      Freemont and Wood WERE BJU back in that day. They were the heart and soul of this kind of garbage being pawned off on unsuspecting kids. So what if Walt croaked? Why should that make any difference at all?

      As for Wood, to call him “doctor” is an affront to even the paltry degrees your crap-alma mater gives out … Wood’s “doctorate” is a 15-minute version from even a lesser skool.

      Again, I’ll ask you – did “you know who” put you up to posting on this blog? We’ve not seen him around and we miss him. Give him a kiss from all of us next time you see him, OK? That is, if you can stand to be that close to his lying lips.

    • Cindi,

      Where you, yourself sexually assaulted as a young teen girl? Beaten and blamed by your father then taken to Walter Freemont for counseling too? Did Walter ask YOU if you took part in masturbation while never addressing the fact you were raped?

    • Hi, Miss Hateful!

      Fremont is dead, and may he be paying for his sins against his students. Wood lives and still has influence, Fremont’s perverted teaching lives on, however, in the students he corrupted. Cathy has every right to speak out against his perverted, sick, twisted, soul-killing substitute for theology.

  9. Cindi— dear sweetheart, it doesn’t matter if Dr. Freemont passed away or if Bob Wood is no longer the vice president. Their victims still sustain the deep wounds they inflicted.

    If you had even a tenth of a brain, you know that Wood IS still affiliated with the school, still living in the Vice President’s house, still has a great, no humongous influence over the school. I guess I should not have gotten my college degree (it was unaccredited and is useless anyway) just like Bob Wood has no degree except for a high school degree. Then I could teach college and graduate level classes for which I am not qualified!

  10. Cindi, do yourself a favor and STOP! If you think anything Cathy is saying is reflecting badly on Fundamentalism, then good! she is having an influence. But you’d better stop and think: YOU are okay with letting abusers go free and unchecked, and you are a solid defender of the Fundamentalism which has made this kind of garbage acceptable. Your hateful, sin-permitting, judgmental attitude as you defend your beloved Fundamentalism is an even worse testimony for it. Please, keep spewing your hate. You don’t love Cathy, that’s obvious, No, wait, maybe there’s something better than making you stop. Since we can’t silence you, let’s just let you, Cindi, Defender of the Perversion called Fundamentalism, show the world the toxic spew that Fundamentalism really is. It isn’t God, it isn’t love, it isn’t even remotely good for children and other living things. Keep talking, Cindi. Destroy it _yourself_ from the inside by exposing everything when you wrongly think you’re defending it! Woe to them who call good evil and evil good, Cindi.

  11. I always wondered . . .My Dad saw it first. After graduating from BJU, my Dad tried to get me to date some of my female colleagues that he considered really nice girls. Former high school classmates even from local churches even. I avoided them like the plague. One day, my Dad wanted me to explain why I was being so “holier than thou” toward these nice young ladies who had not gone to BJU? We talked about it at some length and he kept asking a strange question, “Is THAT what they taught you down there at BJU???? That is nuts! You need to get out and start meeting and making friends with normal, good people. . . . . . . . . ” Yuup. My Dad, as crusty as he was, had BJU and like minded places pegged for what they were; he saw through their veneer and perceived them for what they were. One day he just blurted out, “Those places are cults, Chum. You best forget about them and move on with your life.” I didn’t. I spent the next 30 years in their ministries. Slow learner. Took me that long to see that he was right all along. It will take the rest of my life, whatever is left of it, to undo the damage BJU and those Christian school ministries did..

  12. I have read your story and am deeply moved by it. I am disgusted by the treatment you received by Berg (who is no real doctor) and am not really surprised at all of the church members that so blindly followed his lead. Fundamentalists are like lemmings in that they blindly follow their leaders.

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