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Painfully Pitiful

Recently Boz Tchvidjian published an important blog post Marginalizing the abused: Six ways survivors are treated as insignificant.  It’s a must read for Christians.

While it’s as unlikely as a snowball surviving hell I will once again be silenced, it’s important to remember that I was silenced for decades and it’s very likely your actions and words,  dear Christian, may be silencing lambs devastated as a result of these crimes today just as I was once silenced.

Allow me to explain.

Cleo is a rage-aholic.  Lou was a falling down mean drunk.

From as far back as I can remember I was sexually abused by not Lou alone, but by Christian pastors and leaders. I remember the day I was old enough to  figure out what a virgin was and knew I didn’t even remember ever having been a virgin…

Virginity and purity are highly exalted in the fundamental/evangelical community. Nearly every time I did get the nerve and attempt to tell someone in the Christian circle of which I was a member, I was blamed for having a part in the abuse. As a result, I couldn’t look people in the eyes.

I blamed myself.

Turned all of my pain inward onto myself.

As a result for decades, I was largely silent.

I can’t decide if the sexual violations were worse than the Christian societal violations. The fact that no one advocated for me is something that haunts me a lot.

There’s something that bothers me more at this time in my life. It’s that Christians are still doing their A+ game work to silence myself and other survivors. Here are  just a few comments I’ve received within the last seven days.

 I’m sorry you suffered “abuse”….”

Yeah.  Putting the word abuse in quotation marks pretty much cancels out what you say before. Just sayin’

“You’re  lying.”

“You’re sensationalizing to further your own agenda.”

“You hate Christians…”

“You hate the church.”

“You hate Jesus.”

“You’re crazy!”

“You’re bringing shame upon the body of Christ.”

“I’m sorry you were abused but now you’re bitter…”

 “Why haven’t you left it in God’s hands?”

“You need to forgive and move on…”

“You need to use a better ‘tone.’”

It’s incredibly sad that somehow after all of this time they continue to do the same thing.  Accuse the victim and protect abusers.
To which I say, “shame on you.”

It is so painful.  It is just pitiful.

 Psalm 56-8


36 thoughts on “Painfully Pitiful

  1. Cathy, sadly, this is painfully true about not only Christians, but other religious sects as well. I personally know how professing, holier-than-thou, separated, God-fearing, God-loving people muzzle and silence victims to protect abusive leaders. I know about secondary trauma to victims as a result of their actions. By their silence, Christians and others, are complicit in the crimes perpetrated. By their SILENCE they are 100% condoning the abuse and secondary abuses. GOD NEVER SILENCED VICTIMS OF CRIMES AND ABUSES. Christians and other religious people, don’t get that. He laid out a plan of RESTITUTION for victims. Victim-blaming, name-calling, harassment, labeling, etc. are all FRUIT of someone who has either been DECEIVED or is GUILTY of perpetrating abuse . It is also the FRUIT of a heart that is at enmity with God.

    Keep speaking your truth. Expose the lies. Expose the pedophiles and rapists. God is using you to show the world the Ugliness that has been well hidden. It’s time to hold those people accountable that are using His name to further their own agendas, protect criminals, rapists, murderers, pedophiles. It’s time to hold those people accountable that are using his name to sexually exploit women and children and, using his name to destroy the lives of innocent people, turning them away from His great LOVE.

  2. How about: “Beware lest any root of BITTERNESS spring up.” I feel for any who has suffered abuse but there is no Biblical license to be bitter and too many of these “survivor” blogs and groups are nothing but pools of bitter people.

    • I wish you holier-than-thous would get as worked up about stopping the rapists and other abusers in your churches as you do about silencing their victims.
      We get it, really. Rape and abuse are acceptable in Fundamentalism, and the real sin in your eyes is that your victims won’t just lie back and take it anymore. The rest of Christianity calls that one of the ultimate religious perversions… but since when have Fundies cared what anyone else thinks?

    • You mistake what you see as “bitter” for some righteous anger out to help other victims be rescued.

      If you don’t like it “James” then buzz off. The “bitter” card is old, worn and tired … probably just like you. You sound like some Fundy “leader” who sees his own ship sinking. You probably even have one of those rented “doktoruts” from some quasi-kollege that preaches God’s wrath, covers up it’s own $#it, and then lies about it all.


    • James,
      You know nothing of Cathy’s life and have no right to call her irrational, bitter, nor anything else. Despite all of the suffering Cathy has been through, she is kindhearted to a fault.

      So, yeah, go to hell.

    • Neither is abuse, but you sure seem to have no problem condemning the victims. Yes, the victims are the real sinners because they won’t let their abusers have fun anymore. That’s really the issue, right? I have yet to see a Fundamentalist leader actually take an abuser to task, so apparently shoving one’s sexual organ into an unwilling woman or child must be considered acceptable behavior there.

  3. Dear Cathy, Because you have spoken the truth, people will find fault with you even if you roll over and play dead. Take heart in the fact that for every detractor there are an equal number of victims who are encouraged by what you have done. Dianne

  4. James, “I feel for anyone who has suffered abuse BUT” ?? You just showed that you do not feel for anyone that has suffered abuse by your very words. To go to the place of calling someone bitter puts you in the place of judgment. That is God’s place, not yours or mine. You have no way of knowing Cathy’s heart, life, experiences, hurts, etc. Only God does. And, you slander her by “labeling” her as bitter. To “label” someone because you disagree with them does not emulate Christ. Your words come across as hateful, callous, uncaring and attacking. Is that what you want strangers to see? Surely, that is not the type of person you really are…..So let’s talk about LABELING. Here is what “labeling” does. It attempts to dehumanize a person so that dismissing them or their opinions is much easier. Once the label is placed, it becomes more difficult to see the person as a human with real needs and the potential for good judgment. Where did you learn this hateful tactic of placing labels on human beings who are God’s children? Also, Please, enlighten everyone on the “signs” of bitterness that Cathy is exhibiting that qualify her as bitter. I would be very interested in knowing what they are since God does not list them in his Word.

  5. One more statement and I will be done. . . Not seeing people as human with real needs and emotions can cause good people to do and say bad things to other good people. That’s what labeling and judging people does.

  6. I am never going to criticize you for speaking up against the abuser and abuse. Your abusers do need to be punished. But often the folks who speak so loud and want to get their voice heard, do tend to blame others who didnt listen to them or blame the college they went to etc. Yes, those were mistakes those people made in not giving you the help you needed. However, why be so unforgiving of those people? Why lash out and not let God give them their lesson and punishment. They may have been ignorant in how to help? They may have been unprepared and untrained in what to say or do? They may have not believed you since your story sounded so unbelievable initially, because it is so unusual of a situation. As a Christian, why strangle other believers, and those who hurt you because they didnt take action. Maybe they were very ignorant, and didnt understand. Didnt say that was right. Can you somehow let God deal with their wrong? I dont mean those who broke laws and abused. I mean those who didnt give your situation the care and counsel that you should have had. Why is it necessary to label any and all people and or churches affiliated in the Baptist or conservative groups, as dangerous and bad? Isnt it important to take the higher ground and let God work on them? When a person condemns another by use of media and blogs, and web pages, it appears to be showing anger and hurt , but as a Christian why take such vengeance?

    • Oh my! Wow. Isn’t there a lot of judging of my motives there, Waslost?

      How is it you assume those who knew of my abuse weren’t mandatory reporters? Is it true that mandatory reporters are law breakers if they don’t report? Mandatory reporters are not given the luxury of choosing to believe or not to believe. Manditory reporters don’t do their own “investigation.” And we’re talking about overt child abuse and neglect.

      Being ignorant of the law doesn’t excuse anyone.

      Now this: “Why is it necessary to label any and all people and or churches affiliated in the Baptist or conservative groups, as dangerous and bad? Isnt it important to take the higher ground and let God work on them?”

      Where did you get the idea I’m labeling ALL as anything….? Yikes!

      At a loss. Just wow!

      God help!

    • You know ‘WasLOST NOWForgiven” Have you ever for one second thought that we speak loud because NOBODY listened to us when we were children?
      And why in the hell should those who have done such horrific things be forgiven?
      We speak out about these things, and we do so LOUDLY because we can now. WE were silenced as children, and right now as I am writing this THOUSANDS of children are suffering the same abuses, and are forced like we once were to remain silent.

      If we don’t continue being LOUD, what does that say about us?

      Being loud, and being angry about the atrocities that we suffered is one of the ONLY things we have left. Don’t you dare come here with your high and mighty attitude and suggest that what is being done is “wrong”, don’t you dare!

      Your post is sickening! How dare you be so judgmental! Telling a victim of such horrific crimes these things makes you just about as guilty as the perpetrator!
      You throw your “let God take care of it” bullshit around just as easily as they throw their “I am being persecuted” bullshit around!

    • WasLost: You really don’t get it. Speaking out is lashing out? Really? Why not let God give [the abusers] their lesson? Umm… ever heard of the justice system? Ever heard of God using people to do His work? The fact is that nothing will happen concerning sexual abuse, domestic violence, bullying, etc until the victims speak up. God didn’t make people mind-readers.

      AFA your claim that those who “counseled” Cathy improperly were ignorant: At best, they were willfully ignorant. However, since I know at least some of the people involved, it was not willful ignorance. It was a deliberate choice to cover up not just sin, but criminal activity.

      AFA your claim that Cathy labels all conservative and Baptist groups bad: Wrong. I believe she attends a conservative church. I also attend a conservative church, but one that has a SafeChurch program and a pastor who knows mandatory reporting laws. Sadly, many conservative churches do not do this. Baptist churches generally resist participating in any such SafeChurch programs and obeying mandatory reporting laws, so I personally cannot in good conscience recommend a Baptist church anymore. While a few Baptist churches — especially the more moderate ones — may have some safety measures in place, many refuse because they fear interference in church autonomy and do not want to challenge their complementarian/patriarchal theology. Their beliefs and power structure are sadly more important than the souls of their women and children. As a Christian, I cannot support a theology that leaves the door so open to destroy souls through abuse.

    • Dear Insensitive Person (and I edited what I was going to call you) …

      Cathy has let many know they weren’t in a position to help. You should hear some of her peers come out and say “If I only knew … I should have done something.”

      What we’re talking about here are the people who KNEW and stood silent. The people who were supposed to PROTECT and did nothing or worse. The people who ceased an opportunity to profit instead of rescue. And this isn’t an isolated case.

      God has given Cathy a strong voice not only as part of her recovery process but to help save others — INNOCENTS who are molested and abused and thrown aside.

      You know nothing of which you speak. It would be better for you to remain silent and be thought a fool than type and prove it to us.


      • Dear Mark and others,
        What you have proven here is one thing only…..you are extremely hostile and rude. Instead of educating me and other people here, you attack and destroy.
        Why not have a much gentler approach.
        I did.
        I wasn’t and didnt and won’t attack Cathy.
        However some of you dont know how judgmental you have been to me and others.
        Some of you certainly dont act like you know your Bible, and yet quote that AT ME. When you can learn to be kind here, educating and informing with a kind, gentle, meek and humble, caring attitude, then I can listen.
        For now, good bye.
        Cathy, my prayers are with you. My sincere apology for not being able to see things from your perspective, which was not intentionally to inflict anymore harm on you at all. But your friends are …… well….. very mean. All the best..

      • Perhaps you should ask why it is people respond to you the way they did?

        Are angry at myself as a survivor, my friends and other abuse survivors who have comment here? Some of these people know me very well. Do you know me?

        You did appear to question my motives.

        In addition you even made a broad statement such as this:”Why is it necessary to label any and all people and or churches affiliated in the Baptist or conservative groups, as dangerous and bad?”

        I never said that. Nor have I implied that.

        God bless you.


      • I don’t think so Cathy, I was not judging
        But I have seen your friends put down churches and
        Fundamental Christians , and you never have stopped
        Or discouraged them from such now or past!
        I believe that I never said one thing on here
        to be mean toward or criticize you for any of
        your story or wanting to prosecute those who intentionally
        abused you!
        I guess your friends didn’t understand!
        They sure like coming back and slinging rocks
        and against their own dislike of abuse, they attack
        In an abusive type of way here!
        Blessings ..

      • With all due respect you named Mark. Mark has never put down churches. He is leader in his own conservative church. Mark is however, someone who was willing to come along side of me, attempt to help me, and has poured quite bit a time in my life long before I ever started blogging here.

        Others commenting are survivors.

        I think it would be wise for you to step back and re-examine concerning why it is. and to whom you, yourself, are directing your own anger.

        God bless you,


      • Thank you so Mark for sticking by me. We’ve had many discussions, haven’t we?

        Thank you for hearing me even when I’m angry and asking some very irreverent questions concerning where God was in all of this terrible….

  7. WasLOST NOWForgiven –

    If you or one of your children are ever raped, beg someone for help. Not be believed because you or your child’s story sounds “outlandish”, perhaps you can judge.Cathy who was robbed of her soul in horrifying ways.

    Until that day, you should grant that forgiveness toward Cathy you claim for yourself and those others who abysmally failed her.

  8. WasLostNowForgiven-
    “Silence in the face of evil is itself evil: God will not hold us guiltless. Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.” -Dietrich Bonhoeffer
    Cathy is not seeking vengeance, she is speaking up against injustice and letting God sort out the details.
    Prov 31:8-9
    Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves,
    for the rights of all who are destitute.
    Speak up and judge fairly;
    defend the rights of the poor and needy.
    You say you are never going to criticize her for speaking up but that is what you immediately proceed to do. Those who stand by and do nothing are not innocent as you claim. Why try to deny justice, why not let the investigation sort out who did and did not do what? Please do not try to silence a victim and deny God’s justice or you might find yourself on the wrong side of God’s wrath.

  9. WasLOSTNOWForgiven,

    Before I even begin to respond to the reprehensible comments in your post, I want to make absolutely sure that you understand the meaning of a couple of words, because at present you sound as if you do not fully understand the meaning of some of your reprehensible post.

    Vengeance – “Infliction of injury, harm, humiliation, or the like, on a person by another who has been harmed by that person.”

    Bitter – “characterized by intense antagonism or hostility.”

    Angry – “feeling or showing anger or strong resentment.”

    Abuse- “to use wrongly or improperly; misuse: to abuse one’s authority. To treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way: to abuse a horse; to abuse one’s eyesight, to speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or about; revile; malign, to commit sexual assault upon. Obsolete . to deceive or mislead”

    I’m sure there are many other words in which you use flippantly against a person who literally lived in Hell, and yet here she is today. She is one of the most caring, tenderhearted, intelligent, giving, and supportive people I have ever crossed paths with. You see, WasLOSTNOWForgiven, even after all of the abuse and acts of pure hatred, I can still say without a doubt that you exhibit the exact opposite of those traits. Take anger for instance. God does not say that it is wrong to be angry. His words are “Be Ye Angry, But Sin Not.” (Ephesians 4:26) I didn’t write the Bible, so by your uneducated, and lack of compassion in your heart, you are actually the one who is committing the sin because you are horrid words and behavior are the quintessential example of a Legalistic, or Fundamental upbringing. That is if you had that at all. Christian or not, you are attacking a person whom you should be holding out your hand to help and support. They didn’t make up the acronym WWJD for naught. A person that know the Lord walks with Christ and would never do to anyone, or make the comments as you did above. Could you imagine Jesus trying to minister to thousands if he acted bitter, angry, or that he would abuse anyone? THe answer is NO, because Jesus was fully of mercy, grace, and unconditional love. He gave his own life for each on of ours when we don’t deserve it. For future reference, that means Jesus practiced what he preached, and showed mercy, grace, forgiveness, love, and thousands of words that would describe him. We are told to follow in His footsteps. For example in 1 Peter 2:21, we find the following: “For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps.” Maybe I’m missing something from your horrendous post, but I don’t see that in you at all. I finally get what the phrase, Kicking a horse while it’s down is sickening to me.

    I don’t think you really understand what you wrote above, because your post does not show one ounce of support, love or sympathy. We should be edifying our fellow Christians, especially those who have suffered through any type of trauma. Proverbs 14:31 gives instructions about how we should act. “Whoever oppresses a poor man insults his Maker, but he who is generous to the needy honors him.” At present you are oppressing a woman who is truly someone who God made, therefore you are insulting Him. And in the end, you will be judged by God for all of that which you have done.

    Have you been abused in some manner? Perhaps that the reason you are making vicious comments to tear down someone who is trying their hardest to ensure that this is brought to light. Why? So that others will not have to endure the years of abuse that she did.

    There is a HUGE difference between getting vengeance, (in case you forgot, the definition is listed above), and bitterness. She has every right in the world to stand up, share her story, and be strong so this can be handled by the Authorities. And by Authorities, I mean the police.

    How would you feel after surviving those years in which she was abused by so many people. And even braver because her inner soul kept her strong. She is a survivor and should be honored for wanting to bring this injustice to the public eye. You seem to forget that in this country we have this thing called the United States Constitution that thoroughly explains the ins and outs of Free Speech. Perhaps you should review the Constitution as well.

    I do know that I’m honored that I have had opportunities to speak at length with Cathy, and each time I hang up, I just sit there and think about how passionate she is about making sure that this doesn’t happen to others. She is not the only one. You are the reason that people do not come forward and report these abusive situations to the proper channels. In other words, you are being a stumbling block. Romans 14:13, I Corinthians 13:1-13 says, “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful.” You need to go and beat on your gong and clang your cymbal elsewhere since you offer nothing but negativity and pure hatred towards this woman. And honestly, that’s just sad, or as we say down South, “Bless Her Heart”, and THAT is not a positive phrase.

    Cathy has a right to stand up, and speak up about whatever she wants to speak about. Even if it’s something as little as her favorite vegetable. One of my favorite quotes is, “Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.” She has found her voice and each day it grows stronger and stronger. She’s allowed to be angry, as I referenced above, and I’m not sure where you get that she wants vengeance because I don’t see her threatening other people, or plotting revenge. She is advocating, encouraging others, and trying to make the people who did this pay for their wrongdoing. Otherwise, they will continue to do so.

    What if one of those preachers, or evangelists had access to your daughter or son, and abused them in every way possible? Would you sit back and pretend that nothing was happening? Would you support your child, or ignore it? When you commit a crime, and believe there are too many stories of abusive crimes to even start naming them. I’m going to infer from your statement above that you would most likely sit back and do nothing. Sitting back and doing nothing about a crime makes you an accessory. Therefore, you are just as guilty as the awful people who have ruined so many of our lives and family. Before you say that I am judging you, know that I am defending my friend, and someone who I admire and love dearly. It is very hard to stand up and recount memories, especially those that are traumatic in nature. I’ll stand by her side the entire way, and will stand with anyone who has experienced an abusive home, church, or school incident. Keeping quiet about a crime is wrong. There are NO excuses of any kind that could convince me otherwise. This has been a long time coming, and it needs to be brought out and corrected. It isn’t all about BJU. It’s the entire IFB movement where hundreds of children, teenagers, and women have been threatened, repeatedly raped, verbally and physically abused. I am confident that everything she says is the truth, and she can be as loud as she pleases because she might just hit someone who has lived, or is living in this type of atmosphere, but are too afraid to come forward. Even if it’s just 1 person, she will accomplish something positive. I hope that our paths never cross because I have so many things that I would love to point out to you, but I’m not bitter or looking for vengeance, especially someone who has clearly demonstrated a high level of ignorance and a broken moral gage.

    For future reference, remember that a blog is an outlet for any individual to speak their mind, offer opinions and resources. My point is that she has that freedom to do so, and that is NOT vengeance. If you want to be all “PC” about it, then it’s your prerogative to refrain from making ignorant statements that condemn her, or anyone else who has been through this. She is acting as a rational woman, who has every right to have her story heard all over the world. Her story and words are hers because she lived through a LOT. Also, keep in mind that we are in the age of technology, so blogging is an outlet that would be equivalent to being a guest speaker at a middle school. People need to know that what they are going through is not something that is their fault, or that should be kept secret. However, in the culture we grew up in, we were forced to drink that Kool-Aid for years. Future generations need to know what to do if they have been put in that position, or know someone who is going through it. Knowledge is a sharp object, and informing and sharing her story is not only a wise decision, but it helps others who feel helpless and alone.

    I would suggest that you find someone else to share your ridiculous accusations, and ignorance upon. Or, I’ll be more than happy to send a mirror to your house, so that you can look at yourself. You should really examine and study everything in that mirror because, while none of us are perfect, you are either crying out for help, bitter over your own situation, or you’re drinking the Kool-Aid. You are an adult, and as an adult it is our job to protect those precious gifts from heaven. We are to forgive, but not forget. I shouldn’t have to explain such obvious things to you, but then again perhaps you need this to get through your thick skull. I honestly feel sorry for you. It must be a miserable life that you lead because I can’t help but question everything that you wrote. And if you are writing this because you are feeling guilty from a personal experience, or know of any, then there are avenues and help out there. All you have to do is ask. If that’s not the case then you are a Fool, on a Fool’s Errand.

    I support and love Cathy 110%. She has an entire army of people supporting her, praying for her, and showing love. That’s what Christians do. We are to give selflessly, especially if we see that someone needs that help. Why don’t you give that a try? You would probably be a lot happier person than the twisted, hateful person you have exhibited here. I can only leave you with a sincere comment that you will be in my prayers, and that you are able to rid yourself of such hate towards someone who is trying to be heard. We will all surround her in love and help when we can, and that goes for any victim that has been through these types of things. Only God can change a black heart like yours.

  10. Wow my eyeballs are bleeding reading this trash talk! James, there is no possible way you could be a Jesus follower when you lack such compassion. Your words are so anti-Jesus – he would never call a brokenhearted person “bitter”. You said: “too many of these “survivor” blogs and groups are nothing but pools of bitter people.” Are you serious? Pools of bitter people. Are you that blind that this is all you see? Have you no ability to see what pain looks like? Your words cut deeply and are full of disdain and hatred. You are the one who is BITTER. You curse Cathy who is made in the image of God. She is filled with pain because of the horrible things that were done to her in the name of God and religion. She is pouring out her pain much like the Psalmist David did. This touches the heart of God. He is near to the brokenhearted. He loves to hear their cries. And you, being the Pharisee you are have arrogantly looked down on her and proclaimed yourself superior to her. You are disgusting and putrid. Your vile words reek of arrogance and pride. You call evil, good and good evil. You call bitter sweet and sweet bitter. You are despicable and yet Cathy chose to say “God bless you James”. She is the one with the pure heart – not you!

  11. WasLostNowForgiven, wow do the abusers love you! They count on people like you who will tell us survivors to “just be quiet and let God take care of it”. That is just another way of saying, “let’s not do anything”. Unless we speak and speak LOUDLY, the abusers will continue to abuse.other victims. We speak LOUDLY because there are so many voices like yours who try to drown out our words. There are right now in the USA, 60 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse. 60 MILLION! Look at how few are speaking out – that means that millions are suffering in silence. Why? Because of people like you who make it so difficult for us to speak out. Instead of being supportive, you judge. Cathy has found her voice and is speaking out her truth. Her voice is so important – it dare not be silenced again. She is speaking for millions of others who have no voice. How she chooses to speak and what she says is none of your business. You were not there to hold her and cry with her when she wept in the night as a precious little girl who was robbed of her innocence by pastors who preyed on her and then stood in their pulpits on Sunday to preach against sexual sin. They were hypocrites. Those who knew about Cathy’s abuse and did nothing are just as evil as her abusers. It makes no difference if they felt uncomfortable and didn’t know what to do. If these same people witnessed a murder and stood there and did not call the police, we would condemn them. These pastors murdered Cathy’s soul and there were many church people who knew and didn’t call the police. There is no way that you can justify this – it is indefensible. It was wrong then and it is still wrong. While you advocate that survivors just “let God take care of it”, there are more Cathys being abused. We can’t stand by and do nothing. We must act and act decisively. To do anything less is to empower the abusers to continue to abuse.

  12. “I am never going to criticize you for speaking up against the abuser and abuse. Your abusers do need to be punished. BUT..”

    Said by anyone who’s going to be critical….Ever

  13. To Cathy: Dear Cathy, I know these thoughtless and hurtful remarks hurt. They hurt deeply. But, yes, that is what they are meant to do by those that speak them. Those that speak these words don’t care about you. Don’t see you as a human being who has suffered criminal abuses. They don’t care about inflicting more harm upon you. Why? because they don’t know the genuine love and compassion of God. God’s love is “UNCONDITIONAL.” Many just cannot wrap their minds around that concept and they love others based on “conditions.” Those that will attack you ,Cathy, with their words, will attack you physically as well, if given the opportunity. They will not have a problem hurting you or your family in order to silence your voice . . and they will do it all in the “name of God.” They will not only attack you, but they will attack everyone associated with you that they “think” are hurting their cause by speaking out about abuse and exposing their beloved religious leaders. They will call you and other victims of abuse all manner of names. They will place a blanket label on you and all victims to prevent others from hearing our stories of abuse and our voices of truth. They will harass you, slander you – because of the hatred they carry in their hearts toward you for exposing the abuses you have endured. Many victims everywhere have been dealt with the same way by those that profess God. What a testimony, right? As a Christian it breaks my heart to see other good people responding this way. It should not be so:(

    Beware of the leaven of these Pharisees that use their words to twist truth to suit their preconceived opinions. Sadly, the very comments made by these that “lack charity and compassion” are as sounding brass and have already shown everyone that reads this thread their “Christianity” or lack thereof. Actually, the words do come across as angry and hateful; not filled with love and compassion. Thank you to everyone that responded on your behalf. The hurt that all of us victims feel when we are attacked for exposing the lies, the abuses and the hypocrisy, is beyond comprehension. How are we attacked. WITH WORDS. Remember that little member that is set on fire from Hell? Before someone uses it to attack abused and broken people, they must remember where it’s core influence is — the fires of Hell. Not only this, but we must remember that God spent two whole chapters in Exodus, chapters 22-23, talking about restitution for victims of crimes. Why do Christians refuse to acknowledge TWO WHOLE CHAPTERS on God’s plan of restitution to victims of crimes? It’s unbelievable, I know. It’s really heartbreaking indeed. God does not pardon their transgressions and DEMANDS the perpetrators provide restitution to victims of crimes. Yet, there are those that say, “‘forgive them’ and move on you bitter angry victim!” Sad…but, God then he goes on to say the following:

    Exo 22:22 Ye shall not afflict any widow, or fatherless child.
    Exo 22:23 If thou afflict them in any wise, and they cry at all unto me, I will surely hear their cry;
    Exo 22:24 And my wrath shall wax hot, and I will kill you with the sword; and your wives shall be widows, and your children fatherless.

    God hears your pain. He sees your tears and knows your heart. He also sees mine and every other victims tears and pain. Until restitution is made unto EVERY SINGLE VICTIM of ABUSE according to God’s own words, we cannot not be silent. We will be angry at abusers, secondary abusers, hypocrites and slanderers that use God’s name to inflict further harm to his little ones. After all, God is angry with them. We will stand together against the attacks of self-righteous individuals that dare to put themselves in God’s place of judgment while meting out anger, slander and hatred with their words in order to humiliate, malign and hurt victims further. The idols in their hearts are: the Church, it’s leaders and their own self-righteousness. God hates these idols because they causes GOOD people to do and say BAD things to other good people in his name. I am hurting with you, sweet lady. I will leave you with this:

    Exo 23:1 Thou shalt not raise a false report: put not thine hand with the wicked to be an unrighteous witness.
    Exo 23:2 Thou shalt not follow a multitude to do evil; neither shalt thou speak in a cause to decline after many to wrest judgment:
    Exo 23:3 Neither shalt thou countenance a poor man in his cause.
    Exo 23:9 Also thou shalt not oppress a stranger: for ye know the heart of a stranger, seeing ye were strangers in the land of Egypt.

    All these things have been done to you and many other countless victims of abuse. There are many false reports against victims; many wicked hands. They silence the abused to wrest judgment and they attack the poor and broken in their causes. They oppress you when they don’t even KNOW you. God will not justify the words all these people spew at you in his name. Seriously, they do not know both sides of the matter. . . really! It shows a lack of wisdom to attack a victim with only a one-sided view. So, just remember that they lack wisdom because they have done so. They do not know the FACTS. They only know what someone else has told them….They have a one-sided view that has been distorted in order to protect those abusers that hide under a shroud of “holiness unto the Lord.” God will fight for you because he loves you. You are his child. Hold your head high and don’t stop telling your story. He sees every tear these hateful words have caused you and, those of us hurting with you because of them. Sending you much love and a very big hug, dear sister in Christ.

  14. Cathy, I have not read all the comments that followed this particular blog, because, no doubt, there will be more of the same kinds of comments that you quoted in your piece that will further pain you and malign your intentions. And that would just make me spit-fire, head-spinning, ninja sword flinging mad. Let me just say that there IS a place for justified righteous anger. You won’t find Jesus forgiving at the Great White Throne judgement seat because the time for forgiveness will have long since passed. As for those who had viciously, repeatedly, intentionally, committed the CRIMES against you (and in the name of Christ, of all things!), they have long since seared their consciences and sealed their doom.

    Another thing, I have happily donated to GRACE to assist in the costs for their travel expenses during investigations, and have signed their petition. I do not purport to know why you went through hell on earth, but I can only hope that one of the reasons would be so that you would shine light upon a very dark sin that has been hidden in the back halls of the Church far too long, and it’s time that light chase the darkness away. The hell your violators are headed to will be far worse. Since that will satisfy the wrath of God, I find it also very satisfying.

    • Thank you so much Saralee. Some of the comments on this thread are viscous.

      GRACE is a great organization and has been a help to many. Thank you for giving and for signing the petition. If you don’t mind please share the petition for others to sign.




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